Chemo #2 and basically NO hair!

Last Monday we went for chemo #2. Lots easier getting there this time. Not so much apprehension. Stan and I went and went through the steps. Blood counts had gone back up and my medi port was in, so they assured me I was ready for round 2. Went back to the "treatment" room once again and this time picked a recliner next to the window. It was a gloomy day. Clouds were covering the sun. I am sitting there as the nurse is preparing my port with a spray that numbed it. I have to admit that this port was lots easier than an I.v. It was just like sticking a thumbtack into a bulletin board. So, the chemo is once again pumping throughout my little blood vessels. Doing God knows what to me, but I just try and focus on it killing any bad guys that are left roaming around in there. I am sitting there looking out at the gloomy sky from the window next to me. I can see the street with cars keep passing by. I wonder where those people are going? Everyone seems in such a hurry. I have driven this road everyday myself for the past few years. I have driven by this building probably a million times and never once thought I would be on this side of it looking out. But, I am grateful that I am here. I am grateful that I am fighting! Stan and my wonderful friend Stacey are there once again making me laugh. It takes about three hours and then we are done. So, we leave and I am thinking that I am not feeling just real good. Just kind of like blahhhhhhhh. I go home and go to bed for a couple of hours. It is hitting me different this time, just a little. Day two was the worst. I stayed in bed all day. But, by day four I was good.......thank you Jesus. But, the hair. Oh let me tell you, I did not realize how vain I was until the hair started coming out in clumps. This is the hardest part of the whole chemo thing so far. But, as I was washing my hair in the shower and it is falling out and swimming all around my feet a verse came to me. God gave me a Bible verse at this very moment. Matthew 10:30 "And even the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So, don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." And I thought, wow! That is ALOT of hairs to be numbered, but God is the only one who could number them. He is in control and knows how this is all going to end. So, after lots of tears I just got out all my little cute bandanas I had bought and wrapped one around my head. Just putting on another piece of armour. I knew this step was coming, but it is the most difficult. But, we are walking through this too. It will grow back and I am trusting God in all things. He has been faithful to me each step of this process and I am so grateful to have Jesus with me on this journey. I don't know how people do anything without Him.

Just another day in the O.R.

Today I spent another lovely morning and afternoon in the operating room. I had a medi port put inside my body which is a permanent i.v. under my skin. It is right under my collar bone and just looks like I have a quarter under my skin. This is going to be a "great" thing everyone keeps telling me. This way I won't have to ruin all my veins when I get my chemo treatments. It is a vein under my skin that is connected directly to my heart, which kind of freaked me out, but, all went well. I just feel like I have been stabbed in the chest, but it is nothing compared to the pain after the masectomies. And the pain should be gone in a day or two. So, yes, Stan and I and my parents and sister were at the hospital once again this morning. I have this drill down to a "t" now and know all the people that work there fairly well. Stan was with me until I was rolled down to the O.R. waiting area. It is always hard saying good bye at that moment.
The O.R....... This is a fun place, let me tell you. They line you up next to each other and you have to wait your turn to go into the actual operating room. So, I am by myself, lying in my bed with my beautiful hospital gown on and my "shower" cap. I would love to design some new gowns for this place. They should at least make them bright colors or something. They are "one size fits all" and mine is always not covering up what it needs to be covering because they are actually made for about a 200 lbs man. lol I am staring at the same walls as before and wondering how my life got here. But, quickly remind myself that this is just another step towards being here to watch my kids grow up. There is a little curtain between me and the other patients, but I could reach out and touch them if I wanted. I was next to a fireman (who was having some kind of surgery on his leg I gathered) and an older woman who was needing a cigarette. I could also hear a small child crying the whole time. Bless his little heart. I spent most of my hour and half wait praying for him and his mother. I have gotten pretty close to the anesthesiologist who remembered me from the last two times I was there in the past three months. He is about 75 years old and full of wonderful stories, not to mention wonderful meds!! LOL Anyway, my doctor finally shows up and asks if I have any questions. I remind her that I am not sure if I need to be doing this today since my white blood cell count is 1.7. (Low is 4, so mine is REALLY low) She is always humored at my need to tell her how to do her job and assures me that I will be FINE. The chemo is making it low. So, my Dr. Feelgood gives me the shot that makes you not care what the heck they do to you or where they take you and we head into the O.R. I have to move myself to the little metal table in my HUGE gown (and at this point don't care what is showing. ) Then they ask me to breathe through the oxygen mask. I am telling them that I don't think I can put that oxygen mask on because I am severly claustrophic and that is the last thing I remember until I wake up. I wake up in recovery next to the fireman AGAIN. He is waking up way better than me. He is smiling and sitting up and cracking jokes with the nurse. Still don't know how he did that. Anyway, I wake up with this HUGE headache and feel like I have a gunshot wound in my chest. But, soon, meds take care of all of that too and I am back in a room with my wonderful husband and Mom and sister. One more thing done on my cancer recovery check list......We walked right through that......so thankful......
I have also noticed the past three days that my hair is starting to fall out. Nothing drastic yet, just noticed hair on my pillow when I was making my bed. Also, when I swept my floors there was hair in my dust pan. so, I guess I am just shedding all around the house and don't even know it. strange. This has been the hardest part so far. It hurts, I must admit, but there is nothing I can do about it. You can't tell yet by looking at me, but it is falling. I guess I just thought I would wake up one morning and it would all be gone. Not sure what I thought. But, I can tell you that the chemo has not made me sick to my stomach AT ALL!!!!! What a blessing.........I thank God everyday for the scientist that created that medicine to prevent the nauseau and vomiting. Chemo is not easy, but it is not as hard as I thought it would be. At least not this time anyway. Could change as we go, could get better, could stay the same. No one knows. So, I am praying for it to stay the same or get better. It has made my white blood cell count very low , which makes me feel extremely tired and just not good, but that is okay.....So, I have one more week until we go for chemo #2. I am feeling fairly good and hope that next week will be a great week physically and mentally for me. I am trying so hard to stay positive, but I do have my moments where I break down. But, that is normal I am told and just something I have to feel my way through. I thank God for giving me a husband that lets me break down and then picks me up, dusts me off, and makes me keep putting one foot in front of the other. He is my rock. I am so grateful to all of you that are praying for us.............I love you all! I am good and God is good and that is all I need to know......

Chemo #1

Yesterday a 9:30 a.m. Stan and I headed up to the Texas Cancer Center for my first treatment. I was scared, but knew what I had to do. I was fully geared with my Bible, motivational books, cross in my pocket and my "lucky" flip flops that Allie had given me when I was in the hospital. I had pictures of my kids in my bag to look at as well and my phone to keep in touch while I was getting the "treatment." First, I had to go do blood tests and talk to the doctor. He tells me that my blood counts are good and my bone scans came back clear so I am ready..So ,we go back to the "room" where all this is to take place. It is strange walking in that room. All these people are sitting in, what look like some sort of recliner chairs, and they are all hooked up to i.v.s and wearing their everyday clothes. Some of the people are reading some are watching t.v. Others are sleeping and some are just sitting there. I automatically have this connection to each of them as I choose my chair. Just by our eyes meeting we are connected. It is so strange. It is like we have this bond of knowing what is going on that no one that has never done this could possibly have. I pick my "treatment" chair. My friend Stacey and Stan are with me. The nurse comes and hooks up my i.v. and is sweet, but, I can tell she has done this probalby 10,000 times. She first gives me a sedative, then some anti nauseau medicine and then we wait for the pharmacy to mix up my medicine..........AS I am waiting I am still thinking that I don't have to do this if I don't want to. I really could leave any time. But, then I get my pics out of my kids and open my bible and a peace comes over me. And I know that I am okay. Everyone else that is getting their chemo looks fairly calm. I must be the only first timer there. I am definatley the youngest. Stan and Stacey are making me laugh. Then the nurse comes with the three bags of medicine. I have to do one at a time to make sure I have no allergic reactions. This is a four hour process. So, we are in for a long day in the recliner. She starts the first. I am waiting for some kind of fire to run through out my body, but it doesn't. I am not sure why I thought this would happen. First bag goes well. I am looking at the bag reading all the warnings on it as it is dripping into my body. It says WARNING: DO NOT TOUCH CONTENTS IF BROKEN!!! I am thinking "this is what is going into my bloodstream right now." So, I get out my Bible again and quit reading the bag. The other two bags go well too. I felt nothing. I got a headache, but that was it. So, we are done and they send me on my merry way. First treatment in my body now. No turning back. What happens will happen right? They loaded me up with anti nauseau perscripts which are working. No sickness as of yet at all!!! I feel fatigued and a little irritable, but that is okay. So, we will see. I am trying not to think about it running through my body. I am just continuing to thank God for answering prayer and covering me with His feathers, which is what is happening. I am amazed. Praying for God to continue to bless all of you that are praying for us!!! love you so much