Today I spent another lovely morning and afternoon in the operating room. I had a medi port put inside my body which is a permanent i.v. under my skin. It is right under my collar bone and just looks like I have a quarter under my skin. This is going to be a "great" thing everyone keeps telling me. This way I won't have to ruin all my veins when I get my chemo treatments. It is a vein under my skin that is connected directly to my heart, which kind of freaked me out, but, all went well. I just feel like I have been stabbed in the chest, but it is nothing compared to the pain after the masectomies. And the pain should be gone in a day or two. So, yes, Stan and I and my parents and sister were at the hospital once again this morning. I have this drill down to a "t" now and know all the people that work there fairly well. Stan was with me until I was rolled down to the O.R. waiting area. It is always hard saying good bye at that moment.
The O.R....... This is a fun place, let me tell you. They line you up next to each other and you have to wait your turn to go into the actual operating room. So, I am by myself, lying in my bed with my beautiful hospital gown on and my "shower" cap. I would love to design some new gowns for this place. They should at least make them bright colors or something. They are "one size fits all" and mine is always not covering up what it needs to be covering because they are actually made for about a 200 lbs man. lol I am staring at the same walls as before and wondering how my life got here. But, quickly remind myself that this is just another step towards being here to watch my kids grow up. There is a little curtain between me and the other patients, but I could reach out and touch them if I wanted. I was next to a fireman (who was having some kind of surgery on his leg I gathered) and an older woman who was needing a cigarette. I could also hear a small child crying the whole time. Bless his little heart. I spent most of my hour and half wait praying for him and his mother. I have gotten pretty close to the anesthesiologist who remembered me from the last two times I was there in the past three months. He is about 75 years old and full of wonderful stories, not to mention wonderful meds!! LOL Anyway, my doctor finally shows up and asks if I have any questions. I remind her that I am not sure if I need to be doing this today since my white blood cell count is 1.7. (Low is 4, so mine is REALLY low) She is always humored at my need to tell her how to do her job and assures me that I will be FINE. The chemo is making it low. So, my Dr. Feelgood gives me the shot that makes you not care what the heck they do to you or where they take you and we head into the O.R. I have to move myself to the little metal table in my HUGE gown (and at this point don't care what is showing. ) Then they ask me to breathe through the oxygen mask. I am telling them that I don't think I can put that oxygen mask on because I am severly claustrophic and that is the last thing I remember until I wake up. I wake up in recovery next to the fireman AGAIN. He is waking up way better than me. He is smiling and sitting up and cracking jokes with the nurse. Still don't know how he did that. Anyway, I wake up with this HUGE headache and feel like I have a gunshot wound in my chest. But, soon, meds take care of all of that too and I am back in a room with my wonderful husband and Mom and sister. One more thing done on my cancer recovery check list......We walked right through that......so thankful......
I have also noticed the past three days that my hair is starting to fall out. Nothing drastic yet, just noticed hair on my pillow when I was making my bed. Also, when I swept my floors there was hair in my dust pan. so, I guess I am just shedding all around the house and don't even know it. strange. This has been the hardest part so far. It hurts, I must admit, but there is nothing I can do about it. You can't tell yet by looking at me, but it is falling. I guess I just thought I would wake up one morning and it would all be gone. Not sure what I thought. But, I can tell you that the chemo has not made me sick to my stomach AT ALL!!!!! What a blessing.........I thank God everyday for the scientist that created that medicine to prevent the nauseau and vomiting. Chemo is not easy, but it is not as hard as I thought it would be. At least not this time anyway. Could change as we go, could get better, could stay the same. No one knows. So, I am praying for it to stay the same or get better. It has made my white blood cell count very low , which makes me feel extremely tired and just not good, but that is okay.....So, I have one more week until we go for chemo #2. I am feeling fairly good and hope that next week will be a great week physically and mentally for me. I am trying so hard to stay positive, but I do have my moments where I break down. But, that is normal I am told and just something I have to feel my way through. I thank God for giving me a husband that lets me break down and then picks me up, dusts me off, and makes me keep putting one foot in front of the other. He is my rock. I am so grateful to all of you that are praying for us.............I love you all! I am good and God is good and that is all I need to know......
