The ugly door

Stan and I got back from Houston almost two weeks ago and as most of you know ALL my reports are still PERFECT!!! Thank you Jesus.........I feel like I am the luckiest girl on the planet. Well, I know I am. We were at MDA only for two nights this time. They actually did tests and doctor visit all in one day this time. This was really nice because I started my testing at 7:00 a.m. and we knew results by 2:00 p.m. I had a horrible time getting an i.v. this round. Not sure why......and the actual scan I cried through the whole thing.(the whole "breathe in.............breath out" instructions given to me by the machine was done via tears streaming down my face. So glad I didn't have on mascara! I had the best doctor and nurse in there with me though and they were so sweet and kind. When we went to see doctor at 1:00 p.m. to get results he came in the room through the big old ugly door that I so desperaley hate!!! I hate that door!!! I know its just a piece of wood, but, Stan and I always sit on one side and just stare at it.Our waiting time in the little bitty room to hear the news is a really tough time. I usually start nosing around in the all the cabinets (cause I can't be still)I always take the insturments off the wall and look in Stan's ears and nose!! crazy huh? The walls are so thick that our phones won't work. So, we read all the posters on the wall...........I usually go out to the hall a couple of times. I am such a detailed person that even when I am changing into those horrible robes out of my clothes to be examined I think to myself "Now, when I put these clothes BACK on I will know if I am still good or not." And I fold them real neatly and lay them on the bench in dressing area as if that will change the outcome. Just really pure insanity. ha! Knowing that when the ugly door opens everything will be really good or really bad..........kind of like that game show where you say , "I pick door number 1." Knowing not what is behind it. But, this time when Dr. Valero came through the door he had not looked at my reports yet because it was so soon since I did them. So, he listened to the dictation the doctor had recorded to be printed right in front of us. Of course, Stan couldn't hear it and I had no idea what the words meant that the doctor was saying on the recording. It took Dr. Valero about ten minutes to listen to the whole thing. The doctor on the recording kept saying in a foreign accent the word "colon." That is really all the word I could pick out he was saying with his heavy accent. I was freaking out!!! But, after he said it about the tenth time and then said also the word "period" I realized, to my delight, that he was saying it as punctuation for the person who would have been transcribing it to paper..........Thank the Lord for my English teaching skills.........cause I was about to pass out thinking it had spread to my colon!!!! So, after Dr. Valero turned it off he looked at me and said ,"you are in remission. you are good." He hugged me real tight and tears were streaming down my face. I look at Stan and I see a weight literally lifted off his face and shoulders. We listen to the doctor as he tells me we will continue with this proactive treatment I am on until December. Then we will do scans of whole body and if all still good I will get off all medicine!!!!!!! I go change back into my nealty folded clothes and we leave through the now beautiful door!!!!! I text my immediate peeps( mom, dad, amy, sammy, jeff) and we head out of there!!!! So, here I am again getting to write wonderful news.........I am just in awe of God's grace and mercy He has granted me because I don't deserve it. None of us do. I realized over the past week how really hard all this must be on my husband. My beautiful, strong, Stan worries more than he tells me. Actually, he never tells me or leads me to believe for one second that he worries. But, when I saw his face change after doctor told me I was in remission I realized it. I don't know how any one that watches their loved one go through this roller coaster of hell does it. So, I ask that you pray for my Stan. Pray for my Mom and Dad and my sister and my children. I am learning to truly live in the moment and some days it is really difficult. But, I am so grateful for my family and friends and all of you who read my blog. Pray for my little Cole as he starts Kindergarten in a couple weeks. He asked me the other day, "Why do people even have to go to school?' I said, "So, when you grow up you can get a job and take care of your family." He replied, "Well, ...........my wife might have a job." I said, "Yes, she might," He then said, "I think I will just be a stay at home Dad." hahahaha. oh this little guy is so funny. I told him "Well, you let me know how that works out for ya!" And my beautiful Allie will be a Junior in high school!!! I just can't believe it! And my sweet Hannah will be a sophomore!!! Pray for them to remain strong in their faith as they enter these years of important decisions. So, now I am looking forward to getting back into the routine of being involved in an elementary school. It's been awhile, but I am so grateful that I will be able to. And be able to while I feel good!!!! Life is so short people............enjoy every minute. I do have bad days, don't think for one second that my life is all positive, but in those horrible days I look at my kids and know that I am still here for them. I look at my Stan and know that he needs me. I look at my parents and sister and know that the story isn't over. We are a family and we are gonna keep on going and enjoy every stinking minute!!!!! NO MATTER WHAT!! I love all of you who read.......................still a survivor-kristi