One funeral, one wedding and a hate/love relationship with........Spring!

Spring has always been my favorite time of year. Ever since I was a little girl. Not sure why. Maybe it is the change that takes place from everything being dead and coming back to life again. Maybe it is the uncertainty of the weather. I have always been fascinated by thunderstorms and when I was little was really scared of them. My first memory of a "tornado warning" is of my Dad and Mom putting my sister and me in the closet in the middle of the night with a mattress over us. I remember having no idea what was gonig on. My Dad stayed outside to be "on watch." I remember being afraid something was going to happen to him. But, soon realized he was protecting us, watching.( Just like he does now still with me. He's always with me in the chemo lab...........watching. Ready to make a move for any need I may have. I love him so much.) Anyway, As I grew older I educated myself on them by watching the weather channel and had a fleeting moment where I wanted to be a meteorologist (no one probably knows that in my family). But, after researching all the science classes you had to take to get that degree that thought left my mind quickly. ha I thought you could just stand in front of the camera and read the report to the viewers and dress cute. ha. Doesn't work that way these days. I also have always loved to plant things. I enjoy the tediousness of having to water things and watch them grow. Taking care of things. But, since cancer, I can say that I am not scared of storms at all anymore. In fact, I'd just soon stand out in one and watch it!!! We have a joke around our family that Stan and I are the only people that actually love hail!!! (He owns a roofing business) So, when it hails we always laugh and say it is like money falling out of the sky to us. I love Stan so much. He is my rock..........
I have also been to a wedding of someone very close to me and been to a funeral in the past month. I cansay they were both extremely emotional for me and I spent a lot of time in tears. But, so grateful I was here to go to both. They both stirred emotions in me and fears. But, I made it through.

I guess the reason I titled this blog entry a love/hate realtionship with Spring is that all my life changing events I have experienced have occured in the springtime. The good and the bad. I wont list them all, but the most major are cancer and my chidlren's births. I was first diagnosed with cancer May 21, 2009, had my surgeries in June 2009 and started my first chemo. Then my cancer came back in May 2011. The other morning I woke up to my neighbor mowing his lawn. I had a flashback to springtime 2009. I would lay in bed after my bilateral masectomies unable to move and would hear him mowing. I would look out my window and watch him. He has no idea. It gave me peace to see that life was going on. I haven't had a normal fun summer in almost three years. So, as Spring is fast approaching and when I start hearing that lawm mower in the neighborhood and see things blooming I get a little nervous. But, the best things that EVER happened to me were in the spring too. Allie was born April 20, 1996 AND Cole was born April 6, 2006. So, you can see why I love it and hate it. But, I can tell you this. Last week I went in to my oncologist here for my monthly infusion of Herceptin and my liver bloodwork it was all good!! He even checked my tumor markers and they were good. (I didn't know he was checking those. I am glad I didn't because I would have been worried sick about the results. I think my doc is figuring me out. ha) So, now I am planning on going back to Houston the week of April 25th. We will be there for my three month check up. Same routine everytime. Scans, docs, blood, and needles. But, until then I have two birthday parties to plan!!!!! I am so grateful that I am albe to do this. Allie turns 16 on the 20th of April and will be driving!!! Cole turns 6 years old on Good Friday!!! Plus, we have Easter to celelbrate in between! So, I am going to buckle in and enjoy this ride for the next three weeks. I promise myself to enjoy every moment and even if it storms I will celebrate!!! I am alive!!! I have energy and I have lots of love. Thank you all who read. You really have no idea how much your prayers and support mean to me and my family............it's everything. Thanks be mostly to my Lord Jesus Christ. It's all because of Him that I am even still here and able to do the things I do. I love Him and am glad I am His child. Now, go have a good day. Enjoy every moment. Find good in everything.
staying in prayer and trying to stay in positive: kristi ~ still a survivor