two doses of the devil and I'm still here!

hey everyone! Just wanted to update you all. I am doing okay. I have my good days and bad days. My first treatment of my new chemo was three weeks ago. One of my chemos is called Cytoxon, and the other is Adrymician(sp?) also known as the red devil. And it lives up to its name! When we went in to get the first dose three weeks ago I was scared. But, the nurse was so sweet and understanding and walked me through it. I had a PICC line put it which I absolutley hate! I miss my mediport! Anyway, she came out with this HUGE syringe full of red fluid. Looked like a shot for an elephant. She stuck it into my line and slowly pushed it in. Took her twelve minutes. I felt nothing. Then the other chemo is in a bag pumped through my line and takes an hour. So I am then done. Don't feel anyting unil two nights later. I wake up and am so severly violently ill. NEVER been that sick in my life. I spent twelve hours in the bathroom. I actually woke Stan up because he thought there was some kind of animal in the bathroom! ha oh, dear LOrd. You know I was being loud because those of you who know sweet Stan know how deaf he is. He came in and found me hanging on. He helped me with everything. Things usually only Moms are capable of doing. He is such a good man. I asked him to bring me a pillow cause lying on the cool tile floor felt good. So, he did. I asked him while I was lying in the floor, "Now Tell me again why I AM DOING THIS!" He looked at me and said, "For Cole and Allie, Kristi." So then I refocused my attention on them instead of the wood trim around the bathroom floor. I made it through the night. I survived it! The next morning Stan and my Dad take me up to the cancer center at 8:00 a.m. They rush me into a room in the back and hook me up to fluids and meds to control the sickness. In about two hours I am good to go. I spend the next week in bed. Where I got addicted to watching the Casey Anthony trial. I know that is bad, but that was all that was on. So if you have any questions about it just ask me. ha How sad is that. Ha Anyway, I started feeling lots of energy three days ago and actually cleaned my house myself and did all my laundry. Then this wed. we went and did it again! But, this time we are trying a new anti nausea/vomit medicine called Emmend. Get this: three pills of this were 500 dollars! That is rediculous! My insurance paid for half. So they better work!!!! That night I was throwing my bones up though I would have given everything I had for one. So, I am hopeful they work. Time will tell cause I just had my treatment yesterday. Also, my sweet beautiful loving sister had some pink bracelettes made to give people to remind people to pray for me! I am so thankful and grateful to her. I love seeing everyone in my church and family wearing them. Especially when I see people I don't even know! Thank you AMy. I also want to say again that my Mom is just the best in the world! This woman takes care of my kids without even asking. She does my laundry when I can't and lays down with me when I need her to. It's not odd to come in my bedroom during the day and see my Mom, Dad, Stan, Allie and Cole all laying in bed with me. I LOVE MY FAMILY!!!!!! So, now we get thru these three weeks until we do another. I love all my friends that text me and send me sweet messages on facebook, mail and e-mail. I live for those. All my hair fell out three days ago. All at once. I was brushing it and it just came out. But, I took it alot better than last time. Just part of it. I love each of you that reads this. Even if I don't know you. God BLEss. kristi ~still a survivor

MD ANDERSON

Well, Stan and I survived 4 full long days at MDA. The first night we arrived we checked into our hotel, which was very nice and connected to MDA. When we pulled up for the valet to park my car, for a split second I had to remind myself we were not on a vacation. We were at a medical center. The hotel is connected to MDA by a skybridge so we were able to go to all appointments without even going outside. So convenient and so very nice. But, I have to admit, the first night as we were roaming around this massive place trying to figure out where we were supposed to be at seven a.m. the next morning, I was crying wanting to go home. Stan said absolutley not! We found a security gaurd that actually left his post to take us up to where we were supposed to be bright and early. Thank you Mr. Security gaurd! God bless him. So, the next morning we wake up and start walking to my new breast cancer doctor, Dr. Valero's office, at 6:30 a.m. At 7:00 am we are all checked in and see Dr. Valero at 8:00. Hardly any waiting. The waiting room of the breast cancer wing can be described as an airport terminal waiting area. It's massive. Filled with couches, recliners, fish tanks, waterfalls, sculptures, etc. very peaceful and very relaxing. As I am sitting in the waiting area with about 75 other women I notice that almost all them look my age or younger! What is happening to this generation with breast cancer????? I get called back to a room and put on a gown and the first thing the RN says when she walks in is "Oh, my! You are just a baby!" Then Dr. Valero comes in. Very distinguished gentlemen. His accent sounds like he is from Columbia. He has already been studying my reports and consulting with my other oncologist from home and knows all about me. I was impressed. He basically tells us that the treatments I was originally given didn't work. He said he would have given me the exact same treatments had he treated me first. But, some people's bodies and cancers just respond differently. Basically, cancer can do whatever it wants to. So, he wants to hit it hard with a very aggressive approach and try to shrink tumor and then have a liver oncologist surgeon then remove it. Then more chemo. So, we set up to see the liver onc the next day. But, in the mean time we are going to be doing lots of scanning and bloodwork over the next two days.So, we go back out and wait and they give me my schedule of where I am to be and what time. I am stuck so many times over the next two days and scanned everything. It was fast and furious. One of my scans was scheduled for 8:40 p.m. the second night. So, we go to the wing where everyone is waiting to get scanned and that is when I start seeing people that are so sick and frail. I even saw a little boy about my Cole's age pulling around an i.v. pump. Just heartbreaking. But, I also saw lots and lots of LOVE everywhere!! The night scan apt. was my hardest one. We get there on time and after I check in I see Stan sitting in a chair on the phone and can tell something is wrong by the look on his face. I realize he is talking to my Dad. There are probably 100 people in this room and I go "Oh No! What's wrong?" He tells me that my Allie has been taken to the e.r. in Abilene during a basketball game due to asthma attack! "OH Jesus!" is all I can think. I go over in the corner and talk to my Dad on the phone and he assures me she is okay. Her Dad, Jeff, is there with her and my Mom is too. My Dad has Cole in the waiting room. I cry my eyes out. I go sit down and this woman who is sitting across from me hands me a book. She says , "I just feel lead to give you this." She is crying too. I just open it up to the middle and the first thing I see is this: "We live through the dark by what we learned in the light." WOW! She definately was an angel. God bless her. Allie gets better and is released and I don't get back to my scan until 10:00 p.m. I am able to be still and stay in the machine for 30 minutes. That was a tough day. I find out when I get back to Abilene that my sister was at the e.r. too with Allie and outside the e.r. talking to a pastor that one of her friends had call her. He prayed for me for 30 minutes over the phone to Amy. So, prayer was working. God bless you pastor Hailey! I don't even know you. When we head back to our hotel room via the skybridge(which is about a 10 minute walk) I am exhausted. My Stan pushes me in a wheelchair all the way back. We go to bed and prepare to meet the liver oncologist the next morning. Well, the liver doctor's name is Dr. Curly. So, I was rather curious to see what he looked like. He was a normal looking man and came in with three assistants. He shows me my liver scan from the night before and shows me the spot that is cancer. He says that it is less than one inch in diameter and it is in a perfect place for removal. He explained that had it been close to a vein in my liver he would not have been able to remove it. So, that is the first good news I have gotten in two weeks! I can breath again. So, we decide to do three rounds of chemo in Abilene then go back to MDA and they will scan me and see if it is shrinking and make sure nothing else has popped up. If all looks good I will come home and do one more round of chemo. Then rest my body for a month and go back to MDA for the surgery. I will be in the hospital anywhere from 5-7 days. So, now I have a plan! I do so much better with a plan. kind of. We have one more apt. the next day back with Dr. Valero to finalize everything and then I get to go home! At the last apt. with Dr. Valero he tells me the chemos I will do and also tells me that my blood work showed NO cancer cells in my blood! Another piece of good news. Tumor markers are still elevated, but no cancer cells in blood. Remember tumor markers are just vapors that stupid tumor is giving off. One afternoon while we were waiting Stan and I find the chapel. It is so beautiful. Stained glass, prayer benches and so quiet. I was so impressed at how many nurses were in there praying! It gave me such a comfort that these nurses would take time out to come in and pray. It really was peaceful there. So, we head back home and it is a long long drive............Get home at 1:00 a.m. and go to bed. I wake up at 7:00a.m. and head over to my Mom's to see Cole. This is the first time I have ver been away from him. I go in and he is sleeping. I lay by him and just stare at him. I whisper to him as I rub his little forehead "Cole, it's Mommy." and he says without opening his eyes, "mommy," Then he said "where's Mimi?" So blessed that he made it through those days so easy. He got really attached to his MiMi who is the biggest angel in my life. God bless her. I wouldn't leave him anywhere else. So, now we head in Wed. for the big chemo plan. One of my chemos is known as the Red devil. So, please please pray for me to tolerate this. I had to quit googling it because I was making myself sick just reading about it. So, I am just gonna get through it somehow. People do it everyday. I will update in a couple of weeks. I love each of you. I can't explain how much the prayers mean and I feel them all the time. I had so many wonderful encounters with people at MDA that I am certain were angels in disguise that I know God put in my path. So, now we prepare for the battle ahead. I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid. But, at least I can do it here at home and I am so grateful for my family.