Round two

May 21 was supposed to be my two year cancer free birthday! Didn't quite get there. On Wednesday, May 18, 2011 at 3:45 p.m. my oncologist confirmed that my cancer had come back. This was a blow to me and all those in my family. I knew he was going to tell me that though. I just knew. Three weeks before I had gone in for my three month bloodwork. They monitor my blood and use things they call tumor markers to try and see if there is cancer somewhere in the body. Tumor markers are basically vapors that cancer cells give off in the blood. Tumor marker tests are notorious for false positives because lots of things can elevate them besides cancer. But, once you've had cancer, like me, they are a tool they use to monitor. When I went in for the results of my bloodtests three weeks ago I went by myself. For some stupid reason I went alone. Stan has always gone with me, but I just told him I would go. I was not expecting anything because I feel better than I ever have. I had been doing my stairclimber twice a day for about 25 minutes each and had been full of energy. So, I go in and the doctor comes in and says that my tumor markers are a "little" elevated. Anything over 37 is considered elevated and mine were 47. I totally panicked! Didn't hear anything else he said except that he sees this all the time and it is nothing. So,he says he will check again in a month and see if they have changed. So, when I get home and tell Stan I have a hard time remembering everything he said. Stan and I decide to make another apt. the next week and for Stan to go in and have the doctor explain what these tumor markers are. so, the next week we go in and my precious doctor agrees to go ahead and redo them that day because I told him there is NO WAY I can wait a month! Well, praise God I listened to my intuition and have a doctor that is so compassionate! The next day we find out they are now at 79. I completely fall apart. My doctor calls me and tells me that this doesn't necessarily mean it is back, but we will do a PETSCAN to see if there is anything going on. I'm thinking how in the world am I gonna do a PETSCAN!! I couldn't even do an MRI and almost broke the machine trying to get out when this all started! So, we schedule the PETSCAN and wait. Waiting is so paralyizing. I couldn't eat. I couldn't look at my children without crying. I was a wreck. I just kept thinking how do people live like this? So, here at my oncologist office they don't have a PETSCAN machine. It comes in every Monday on a big truck. So, that Sunday night Stan and I go and look at the tractor trailer behind the Texas Oncology. I am trying to figure out what kind of machine they have. There are several different types and I wanted to be prepared. Well, we couldn't figure it out. The next morning my amazing, wonderful, angel husband goes up there at 7:00 a.m. and knocks on the tractor trailer door. The guy opens and lets him come in. (those of you that know Stan are not surprised by this at all ha) Stan took pictures of the machine and brought them to me. I knew I could do it then. I knew what to expect. so, that afternoon I do the PETSCAN. I know it is only by the power of prayer and the mercy of my Lord that I was able to do it. It didn't bother me at all. Thank you Jesus. Then we go in on and doctor tells me there is a little spot on my liver. It is 1 1/2 cm. And I will have to do a liver biopsy. Okay. So, two days later we go to the hospital. The doctor says it's so close to me lung that he may not be able to get to it. But, once again, I get through that. It is a catscan guided biopsy so they have to have me go in and out of a CT machine and then stick me in the ribs to get the biopsy. It took about 30 minutes. Thanks to my wonderful nurses I made it through that too. I had to stay at hospital most of day and lay on my side to make sure I had no bleeding and they had to monitor my blood counts. So, that evening I went home. And on May 18th my doctor told me what I already knew in my heart. It was cancer. Now the first time they tell you you have cancer it's like running into a brick wall. But, the second time it's like total schock and you feel so defeated in your fight. We decide to go to MDAnderson to an oncologist that specializes in livers. So, we are headed there this coming Monday. I have no idea what's in store for me there. But, I am gonna do whatever I have to do to get this OUT! The hardest part is going to be having to be away from my children. But I am so grateful I have loving parents and my sister and her family that love my kids as their own and they will be taken care of while Stan and I go back into the ring with the heavy weight champion of the world. We have no idea what to expect, but I finally accepted a peace from God two days ago and I intend on keeping it. I have friends suffering with this disease right now way worse than me and I am just trying to live each day the best I can. I will fight this monster! I want to ask that when you pray you pray specifically for my children, Stan , Mom, dad, and my sister. Pray for peace that no matter what we trust God. I don't know why it came back. I love each of you that reads this. I will blog again after I see doctors at MDA next week. much love, kristi STILL A SURVIVOR!