Grateful for Pink!

Today as I watch the life of Elizabeth Edwards on t.v. (who passed away yesterday from breast cancer) I am reminded once again of my own mortality. Cancer seems like it is just everywhere I turn. One of my best friends lost her Dad yesterday to this horrible thing and I have lost 6 people in the last year that I have come to know on my journey. It is a frigntening thing if you let it be. But, I try everyday to block it out and just embrace my good fortune. October was a tough month for me. It was breast cancer awareness month and everywhere I WENT there was pink pink pink. There was even a pink ribbon on the butter I bought at the grocery store. I could not escape the pink. Although I am so grateful for what the pink ribbon stands for I just was glad when it was over. Does that sound strange? I don't know. I am just being honest. I also have been thinking a lot lately about my Mema who died from breast cancer in 1984. I was in the 8th grade at the time. That age for a girl is a tough one. I was just blossoming as a woman and thought the world revolved around me. I knew my Mema had breast cancer, but she kept it really private and I didn't know much about what she was going through. I just knew she was sick. Oh how I wish I could tell her I am sorry for not being more sympathetic as a preteen. My Mom tells me that she didn't want anyone to know. No one talked about the breast cancer back then. It was a hush hush thing. My Mema had no pink ribbons. She had no support group or breast cancer walk to participate in. They did not exist. She didn't have a list of phone numbers of other women she could call with this disease day or night. I suspect she felt really alone. There was no anti nauseau medicine for her. She had to endure the side effects of chemo on her own. There were no alternative therapies like Herceptin that I had. There was no reconstruction surgeries. She told my Mom that she would start getting sick on her way to her chemo treatment just thinking about it. So, I realize how selfish I am about letting the pink ribbons upset me. They should remind me how far we have come in treating this horrible thing. They should remind me that I should be grateful I have the opportunites with my treatments that I had. They remind me now of a beautiful woman named Mamie Ophelia who endured this horrilbe journey on her own and with nothing more than her own strength and the strength of her family. So, thank you Mema! Thank you Elizabeth! Thank you Susan G.!Thank you to all those that have gone on after battling this thing. You have made the path easier for the rest of us. I am now grateful for my butter with the pink ribbon :) I love everyone who reads this.

365 days !! And I am shiney!!

Hey friends and loved ones,

Well, today has been one year since my world got turned upside down. But, I am doing so very well! I went back today and read my first blog entry. I have never done that until today. I am such a different person today than I was that day. Thank you Jesus for precious time...........I was telling Stan the other day that I don't even remember last summer. I spent the summer in hospitals, chemo labs and doctor's offices. So, to go outside today and feel the sun, swing my Cole, go watch my Allie play basketball is just so precious to me. But, life has gone on. AS it should. Finished chemo in October and my body is still recovering from that, but I feel better and stronger everyday I wake up. I am still getting weekly infusions at the chemo lab of a medicine called Herceptin. (not chemo) I will do this until July and then I WILL BE DONE. My blood counts are still low, but that is to be expected, so I am still a germophobe and always will be. I have to be so careful. I know that my body could not handle any sickness very well. I learned how damaged my body really is when we went to Sea World last week. Goodness! Six hours of walking was really hard on me. I couldn't figure out why I felt like I had been in some kind of accident the next morning when I woke up! When I asked my oncologist, he said it was damage from the chemo. But, God made our bodies to repelenish themselves and I can tell mine is rebuilding all the things that got destroyed. Hopefully just the good things, right? So, I have one year behind me! Four more to go and then my chances of it coming back go way down. I will be having scans done in July. So, pray for those to be clear. I think once I quit having to go weekly to the chemo lab and seeing my oncologist every three weeks and getting blood work constantly, I will be able to move beyond this a little better. It is hard seeing people in there that started when you did and you know that their chemo is not working. Some have passed away and that is hard too. But, God has showed up so many times in there and I have made lifetime friendships with some amazing people. My kids are all good! Cole is just precious! We were in the car the other day and I looked in the mirror as us girls do and I said ,"Oh, I look horrible today." Cole said,"Mommy, no you don't. I think you look very shiney!" awwwww. That was the sweetest thing! I teared up! My girls are blossoming into beautiful teenagers and our little Cole turned four years old! He keeps me going. We made it through Cole's first soccer season. Looking forward to a layed back summer. My Allie starts High School next year! My Hannah made cheerleader, so she will be busy with that all that next year as an eighth grader. Stan is still my rock. He is the most positive person I have ever known and he swings me back to reality when I let fear take over and reminds me that we are taking all this one day at a time. I know that it has been hard on him, but he would never let me know that. My parents and sister and Sammy are still my biggest supporters as well. I love you all so much family. On Mother's Day we all played wiffle ball as a family with all our kids. I was so so so thankful I was able to do that. My hair is coming back and is almost in enough where I can quit wearing wigs and bandanas, but not quite yet. It is very unruly. I take pictures so I won't ever forget. Once again, I am grateful. Grateful is really not a good enough word to describe what I feel. I am blessed. I am lucky. I am thankful for all my friends and family. People keep telling me how strong I am. But, if you only knew, I am weak. It is my God that is strong!! All I know is that I am alive today! I am stronger today! I am closer to God today! And I don't take one breath for granted. Staying strong, staying in my Bible, and staying positive! kristi

Coming back from the Dead and synthetic hair!

Well, I am still alive. I know it has been awhile since I have written, but I have been getting back into the routine of life with kids, schedules and family. Life goes on, just as it should. My girls are consumed with basketball, volleyball and cheer and my little boy starts is first soccer practice next week! He is 3 1/2 and he is sooooo excited! He has been sleeping in his soccer uniform the past two nights. I can't tell you the wonderful feeling I get of being able to go in the yard and kick a soccer ball to him! I am so thankful for that. I get stronger everyday and my body is healing both physically and spiritually. And, my hair is growing back! Oh girls! It looks awful! It is black and white!! It is coming back straight and sticks straight up! Of course, I keep it covered, but I am just glad it is growing back and fast. I finally found me a wig. I swore at the beginning of this I wouldn't wear one, but I found one that I like. I am tired of the bandanas and all the stares in public. I don't feel like people looking at me anymore and wondering why I am wearing that on my head. "Is she sick? Is she having a midlife crisis? Did she park her Harley outside? " LOL So, now I am enjoying freaking out those that do know me with my new synthetic hair! Stan and my kids love it. It took Cole a little getting used to, but he came around. And it is the same color my hair was and looks fairly much the same as my hair did. The first day I wore it I went to the drive thru car wash and the teenage boy that always takes my money said, "I have never seen you with your hair down." Poor guy. I guess he was one of the ones that thought I had just been wearing that bandana to look cool. I start explaining to him that it is a wig and go through the story. He touches my hair and I can tell he doesn't know what to say. I then start wondering why I even have to explain this. Then later that night Stan and I are in Academy and the girl checking us out goes "You have GREAT hair!" ahhhhhhhh.......so sweet. Stan and I look at each other and smile. Stan is looking at me like 'is she going to explaine it?' But, I just smile at her and say, "Thanks, hon. you're sweet." Sunday morning was the best. I wear it to my small group and forgot that some of these people have never seen me with hair before! Lots of laughs. So, I now have hair! But, I am extremely flammable!
My family is doing great! Everyone is getting back into the groove of life after this illness. I still have to go through reconstruction and am still doing my weekly infusions of Herceptin, but I am good. Herceptin doesn't bother me at all. It is just time consuming having to go the chemo lab to get "infused" every Monday, but July will be the end of that. Had a heart test to see of this medicine had damaged anything and that was all good. Answered prayer. Thanks for all your prayers. Keep them coming! Love everyboy and thank God every morning for giving you another day with your family. Blessings, kristi