"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her way, she adjusted her sails." Elizabeth Edwards

I realize it has been since May since I have updated my blog.......ALOT has been going on since May and I guess I just couldn't find the right words or time to sit and update. FIRST of all.......I am still cancer free!! I am so excited to be able to type those words. I am extremely blessed and lucky to still be keeping this cancer AWAY....and I promise I don't take a day or breath for granted. Stan and I got back form Houston this time about six weeks ago. My struggle with updating lately has been that I have some sad news to report. My precious Mom was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma(bone cancer) in July. Now, for those of you that know my family and have been keeping up with my cancer journey you can just imagine what a blow this has been to us. I don't want to go into too many details because it's my Mom's story to tell, but, bottom line is she was perfectly healthy and fell and broke her shoulder........that is how it was discovered. She is facing a stem cell transplant soon. Although I don't understand it all .....why are we having to go through this again.??? I do know that God knows the plan. I THOUGHT I knew a lot about cancer, but let me tell you, I have learned ALOT from being on the other side..........It is so very very strange..surreal...and almost some days I feel I am walking around in a fog... to actually and know what my Mom is going through and to fully understand how she is feeling. It is almost some days unbearable. But, My Mom is going to be okay. I just know it. She has to be. I love you Mom! Cole had to go with us six weeks ago for my check up at MDAnderson. My parents were unable to keep him so he just went with us. Stan and I made it like a mini vacation for him and he was an absolute angel. I just kept praying for God to please not let my scans be bad this time with him there. I have been there so many times now and I just didn't want to get a bad report with my little man there. I had prepared myself mentally, should they be bad, and a dear friend of mine told me that,"God forbid they are bad Kristi, but, if they are....you are just going to be strong and be Cole's mommy in that very moment. You are not gonna fall apart. You are going to stay strong for him." And I clung to that advice all week. I didn't even think Cole really realized why we were even in Houston until the day of my results. Stan and I do not talk about it in front of him, but let me tell you, he is one smart little boy. We had just gotten back from NASA space museum (which is a whole other story I will tell later) and my appointment to get my results was at 4:00... Cole and I were killing time so we walked down to the hotel restaurant and he got some ice cream. I was a total wreck inside but my face had a smile plastered on it for him. He was sitting there eating his ice cream and I was looking at my phone. Out of nowhere he said, "Mommy, what if you get bad news today?" I looked up and can just imagine the look on my face and I said "What?" he repeated again, "What if you get bad news today?" My friend Jennifer's advice kicked in and I just looked at him with confidence while my stomach did a flip and I said, "Well, if I get bad news today then I will just take some more medicine and it will be okay." whew............without skipping a beat he said, "okay. Can I have some more ice cream?" "Yes, you may," I said. Inside I was thinking (you can have anything you want kiddo.....like right now would be the perfect time to ask me for that brand new truck you are gonna want in about 9 yeras. ha) We then finished and went and got Daddy and headed over to the hospital to get the verdict. There is really no way to describe what that feels like to be waiting on cancer test results. I have tried to describe it before, but unless it's you, you just don't understand. It is a surreal, weightless, feeling...........waiting.........knowing that within a matter of seconds your life is gonna change. And this time I had my 7 year old with me and he had to go with us into the verdict room. God, please let this one be okay I kept thinking. Then as we are sitting there in the big waiting room I hear my name..."kristi rodriguez." And like that.....it is time to know....so I get up with legs of cement...I hug Cole and I go back...I was going to just do my vitals first and then Stan and Cole would meet me in the room. Well.....my normal nurse was not there. A new nurse was weighing me....taking my blood pressure....asking me questions. My regualar nurse (who is also a cancer patient herself) always tells me my results the minute she takes me back..So, I am a bit nervous because she IS NOT HERE!!!!!! Who the heck is this new person? So, as she is taking my blood pressure I ask..."So, do you have all my test results?" She responds. "Yes, but the doctor wants me to put you in a room and they will give them to you." dum...dum.....dum............I almost pass out. At this point I see Stan and Cole walking down the hall.......so....we all go in a room. I am really trying with every cell in my body to hold it together. I change into my gown and we wait. I don't tell Stan what I was told because I know if I tell him then it will become real and I don't know if I can stay in the room for the verdict. So....me and Cole are looking at a magazine and my angel walks in. My NURSE IS HERE!!! She had been tied up with another patient and she walks in and says..."Kristi...everthing looks good." I say..."Where WERE YOU!!!!!??" hahah! She says, "I told them you were going to freak if I didn't do your vitals." then she winked at me. For you see....she is probably not supposed to tell me my results....I don't know....and if they are ever bad, she probably will not tell me. But, this time they were still good and that is all that matters....thank the Lord...Hellelujah.....Amen.....SO, we celebrate that evening with dinner and a trip to Toys r Us. whew!!! dodged another bullet.... Now, I go back in 4-6 months for another checkup. He said it was up to me...and I have been pryaing to see if I can handle waiting 6 months. The jury is still out on that one. Please pray for my Mom. She has a road ahead of her. Pray for my Dad. Their lives have been turned upside down with this...We need lots of prayer for peace and good results with her transplant. Go hug your parents. Don't take one day for granted. I love all of you. kristi- still a survivor

Thankful for my limp

As I prepare for my trip this coming week to Houston, MDAnderson, I am limping around my house......trying to do laundry......took both of my kids to the doctor in the past two days.....limping in the middle of the night to get Cole a breathing treatment........limping down the Walgreens aisle that sells crutches........trying to get my house in order to be empty for a week, etc. and I am soooooooooo grateful for every bit of it. I hurt my knee at Relay for Life last Friday night. I am gonna try to not complain......but, dang, it HURTS!!! I usually can mask my pain and ailments, but this one I am having trouble with. After almost a year of preparing this year for Relay for Life 2013, we pulled it off last Friday night at ACU. I was so honored to have been asked to be on the committee this year and although it was a lot of work, I enjoyed every minute of it. We did a flash mob zumba dance thingy and that is what has hurt my knee. We practiced for a week for this and I have not ever used muscles in my life that I used for this dance. My cheerleading days are loooooong gone and my brain didn't know that. But, what fun I had dancing with my daughters, niece, sis and mom and all my friends!!! So, I am hoping and praying that I have not done something that will require anything more than some extra pain meds and a wrap and occasional crutches, but we shall see. As I limped my little Cole into the doctor's office two days ago I realized how lucky I really am. Cole was running 102.7 fever and his throat was covered in white and red nasty things. As I was sitting in the doctor's office waiting, I realized I was grateful for strep throat. As I limped back and forth to the bathroom with Cole, at least 3 times, trying to get him to pee in the cup, I realized that I can do all this with my limp. When the doctor confirmed it was strep I was so grateful for it. I was grateful for it because my mind immediately went back to Friday night to the two little girls I had lead the survivor lap. Callie and Landry. Little girls that haven't even reached the age yet that requires double digits. Little girls that have been fighting for their little lives sooo long. I have been praying for these two little princesses for a very long time and finally got to meet them Friday night at ACU. Looking at them you wouldn't even know they were sick. Beautiful little girls with a ton of family love surrounding them like a big white fluffy cloud. As I knelt down Friday to get eye level with them I was beyond humbled. I felt like I knew them. There was a connection they don't even realize because I know all the physical stuff they have been through. I am glad I had on my sunshades because I was full of tears. I met their parents as well. I can't even put into words what that felt like.......meeting their parents. Knowing what I have experienced with chemo and fear made me feel some connection to Callie and Landry. But, I can NOT EVEN phathom what these parents go through. Their eyes were full of a fear I have never known. They were also full of such pride and joy as they watched their little baby girls lead all the survivors. As scary and confusing as cancer is to me, as an adult, and the fear of leaving my kids without a mom possibly one day is ONLY topped by the fear of losing my child. And as we came around the end of the survivor lap I saw Rex Fleming's Dad. Rex lost his fight not too long ago. He was just a little boy. I don't really have any words because I don't understand why these little children have to get cancer. I know there has to be a reason, but it is just so unfair. It's easy to think my cancer may have come from something I may have been exposed to in my life or eaten, but I have had a full life. They are just little innocent children. So, as I was limping Cole back to the car and giving Cole his medicine I thanked God for his strep throat. As I sat with my beautiful Allie the next day because she was sick too, I was grateful she only needed cough meds and antibiotic. If you have healthy children I want you to thank God for their health today. And as I will inevitably see sick kids next week at MDA, I am gonna be grateful for my kids strep throat. Don't take a day for granted because it can all change in the blink of an eye. So, those of you that pray for me and my checkups next week please add in your prayers these two little girls and their parents. I know the only way they are able to do what they do at all is because of the power of prayer. still a survivor-Kristi